39. The Money Pit

aka Don't Believe Everything.

There are a lot of proverbs which, when paired together,say exactly the opposite to each other. For instance, "Many hands make light work" and "Too many cooks spoil the broth".

"He who hesitates is lost" differs from "Look before you leap", and "Birds of a feather, cling together" seems to deny that "Opposites attract".

In much the same way if  "It's a wise child that knows it's own father" how come "Blood is thicker than water"?

Or if "Travel broadens the mind" why does "A rolling stone gather no moss" ?

All this merely illustrates the fact that, no matter how convincing a statement may seem, you don't have to believe everything you're told. 

I think that the average person is quite happy to soak up anything he's told. Not because he particularly believes it, but because it's not his action, man, and he don't want any trouble. Besides, it's an escape from reality to see colour where only greys and whites exist and life would be very drab if only the basics were shown. Just take it all with a pinch of salt and use your loaf, cos it's a shame to spoil all the fun and insist on calling a spade, a spade all the time.

As did the army sergeant who was listing the sick parade. "What' you r trouble then?" he growled at one bod who stood there, "I got hamorrhoids, sarge." said the bod. "Hamorrohoids" roared the sergeant "Hamorhoids! You ain't got hameroids. Hameroids is for the H'aristocracy. What you got is piles!"

Which, of course, was quite true, but it spoilt the delicacy of the whole situation. (and showed that I can't spell haemorrhoids correctly more than once in a story.)

But about not believing all you're told. I think I learnt in a painful way that it's wise not to take everything as gospel. 

First when I was at school, I discovered that Sir, when he told you , with sorrow in his eyes, that it was going to hurt him far more than it did you, as he prepared to give you two on each hand with a dirty great cane; was a flipping liar. 

He didn't have to sit on his hands to deaden the stinging.

Secondly, when the foreman at the foundry where I worked, assured me that the molten brass I was trying to pour into the moulds would definitely go into the cups, after I had told him that I couldn't get the right angle to do so, I believed him. 

And poured it straight into my boot. The resulting burns kept me off work for a fortnight.

No, it's wise not to believe everything you're told.

Nobody in their right mind really believes that there's a dirty great dinosaur swimming about at the bottom of Loch Ness.* 

And no true Scot wants any bliddy Sassenach to find one there, either. Kill the tourist trade stone dead if they did.

Everybody is quite happy the way things are. The haggis bashers tell us there's a monster there, and we're quite happy to go there and quake at the thought of seeing an oversized Michelin tyre emerging from the depths. 

Behind most of these mysterious happenings or creatures that go bump in the night, there's usually some crafty bod raking in a load of bread. 

How many tourist attractions haven't got a ticket office or a coach booking office?  Very few. 

I've often been accused of having a sceptic mind, mainly by my family, who say I don't believe in anything unless it can be proven in writing, statistics, or scientific fact. No romance in my soul, as

it were. 

While this is not true, I'll admit I don't believe in ghosts, have no superstitions, (excepting I can't pass a pin without picking it up), and inevitably feel that if anyone flatters me or gives me any bull about how good-natured I am, they're after something. Nine times out of ten, they are and I finish up with a back breaking job or lending them a couple of quid. 

We once went to see the place where Capt. Kidd reputedly buried his treasure. It was on Oak Island, Nova Scotia.*

It is a must for people visiting the Ocean Playground of Canada, as Nova Scotia is known, and is situated of the western shore of the mainland. It is proudly said to be the costliest treasure hunt in the world. (By the N.S. board of Tourism). 

And they can say that again, as they've been digging for it since 1795 when the Money Pit, as it is called, was discovered. And ain't found the treasure yet. 

The guide who was giving us the spiel, told us that the money pit was found by two young boys who were playing there one afternoon. They were digging in the sand when they came across a block and tackle arrangement on a wooden platform 35 feet below the surface.

Well, I mean to say, what would you have said ? I did.

"You trying to tell me a couple of 'erbs dug firty five feet dahn just larking abaht ?" I asked in the accentuated Cockney accent that I feel obliged to use when talking to foreigners to let them know I'm English. 

I got the pat answer, which I'll admit I asked for. "I forgot to tell you that they were forty years old when they came up, sir". 

This is known as evasive repartee in the guide training manual, which did nothing to lessen my scepticism about the whole set-up, and I muttered to my wife that I couldn't make out why, with all of todays modern equipment, they hadn't been able to get that treasure out since it was put there 200 years ago. Typical Loch Ness tourist effort, I reckoned. Come to think of it, I said, warming to my theme, Nova Scotia means New Scotland and I bet they got the idea from their homeland. 

She whispered fiercely "Shut up and don't you dare spoil it for the kids" and made me plant a load of ten cents and quarters in the sand where the grandchildren would be sure to find them, so that they would believe in the treasure trove. 

                                                               Ian Tyson - Smugglers Cove

She was right , of course, got to have some dreams in life. I still think the only treasure there is from blokes like me who have to empty their pockets of loose change to help the illusion. Which is what I mean by not believing all you're told. It'll cost you if you do. But, be careful, perhaps more if you don't.

*Notes:

See :
Loch Ness - Wikipedia - Loch Ness Monster

Oak Island -  Wikipedia - Oak Island