We take the opportunity to wish 

A Happy Christmas and Prosperous New Year to:

• The television mogul who manages to kill off and bury deep in the abyss of idiots from whence they came Coronation Street, Crossroads, Sale of the Century, The Incredible Hulk, Monty Python's Flying Circus and the Bionic Man, Woman and Dog

• Joe (I Love England) Bugner, but only if he promises not come back from America

• Liz Taylor and the final instalment of her boring marriage saga

• Elton John and his definite final retirement

• The honest trader who quotes straight-forward prices for his good without giving a lot of bull about how much you save by not buying them at the ludicrous figure he says they are worth

• The dustmen if they don't leave us up to our armpits in muck and flies more than once a year

• Frank Sinatra and his definite final retirement

• All punk rockers for their outstanding influence on young people in the art of decent, courteous behaviour

• The Mirror and The Sun, if they don't progress from the boob pictures to full frontal exposure, which they're trying hard to do

• The Canadian P.O. if they'll strike at any other time than the Xmas Period as they usually do

• Mohammed Ali and his definite final retirement

• Mr 5% Jim, if he'll let us have more as he does everyone else

• The person who'll tell Eamon Andrews to get stuffed when he wants to tell the world about their life

• ERNIE, if it ever coughs up any of my premium bond numbers, which I've had since 1958

• All traffic wardens. May their work to rule last forever

• Professor Magnus Pyke, who can be interesting when he's not acting like a caffeinated windmill

• Any contestant in Mastermind who can't answer a question that I can

• Any horse in a show-jumping competition who refuses at the high wall and slings its rider through it

• Readers Digest, if they'll stop bombarding me with adverts of their damn books just because I bought one from them years ago

             

Christmas 1983

PEACE AND GOODWILL TO ONE AND ALL

🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄