6. The Pepsi Flag

Among the plethora of ethnic insults that traffic in food - "Pepsi" deserves special mention. It's the only slur I know that is based on a beverage. The lexicography team for the Canadian Oxford Dictionary suggest the epithet derives from the belief that Quebec-anglos held that their French speaking counterparts swilled Pepsi because they were too poor to afford coke, which at the time was marginally more expensive*

They call us God-Damned Limeys, except when in a benevolent mood when they just say Limey.

Perhaps most of you don't know this, nor did I particularly, but I was brought in line with the facts of life when hailing a cab outside a shopping precinct near St Hilaire, about 30 miles from Montreal. Cabbie was a right little ray of sunshine, who looked as if his mother had conceived him simultaneously with an attack of dyspepsia. He stopped chewing on a large wad of gum long enough to grunt "Oui" when I gave the address Rue Mont Clair in my best French accent then swung the cab round with a squeal of tyres and a cloud of dust on the dirt road exit to get on the auto route.

I asking laughing boy if trade was good, he drove along moodily chewing the cud and looking as though he wondered where the next instalment on the cab was coming from, then, parking the wad in one unshaven cheek, replied "OK", and was about to start chomping again, when he said "You a Limey?" as more a statement of fact than a question. I was caught off balance as it hadn't occurred to me that I was, but I said that I suppose was whereupon he replies that he'd guessed as much, as I had a lousy French accent.

He then resumed his chewing. I guessed he wasn't brooding about any instalments but reflecting on the good old days of the tumbrel and the guillotine. Anyway, I waved the British flag for all of us Limeys by paying him the fare in quarters, which I'd been saving for the toll roads, and gave him a dime as a tip.

We had a very entertaining night at Old Munich, and enormous German beer hall in Montreal. The only table vacant was partially occupied by a Pepsi couple but as there were eight more seats, we sat down. Monsieur and Madame were middle aged, pot bellied (very) with backsides to match and both of them wore white trouser-suits. Madame wore a large blonde wig, had a chest any camel would be proud to have on it's back  and skin tight pants - looked like a ghostly egg-timer on stilts. Monsieur sported a large black droopy moustache which looked like a pair of diversion signs to his boots.



Old Munich Beer Hall - then(-ish)  (picture: www.vanishingmontreal.com)
 

Old Munich Beer Hall - no more (picture: www.vanishingmontreal.com)
 

They completely ignored us and primly sipped cognac, while my sons and I belted in to the excellent German wallop and the ladies of our family regaled themselves with the expensive and exotic drinks that our beloveds always order when asked if they would like a beer.

As the evening wore on, ribald Limey jokes began to flow round the table as the booze and lively music began to take effect. Mad. and Mon. grimly sipped on, no doubt thinking "God-damned Limeys", in French of course.

Suddenly the German band burst into a rousing Oompah tune and M. and M. looked at each other, Monsieur raised his arm, they stood up and began to dance around the table, stamping their feet on the floor, throwing their arms in the air and 'hotching' in rhythm with the music. Space was very confined so they had to keep near to the table, circling us like a pair of snowy vultures swooping at intervals to harass their prey, belting in to us with large posterior and belly in turn.

At the end of the tune they sat down sedately at the table, toasted each other with the remains of their drinks, said "Bon nuit" and went.

I felt they had waved the Pepsi flag far more efficiently than I had waved the Limey one.

* I wanted to transcribe all of these articles as Grandad wrote them, but the passage of time means  some of the language needs updating. This is one I had to rework slightly, and acknowledge Howard Richler's 2010 article "How a Soft Drink Became Quebec's Homegrown  Insult" (www.maisonneuve.org) that I  used in the opening paragraph. In others posts I may change a word or two here or there, but I'll note any material edits.